I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
