margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
