if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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