we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize