Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
