He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
