okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
