I'm laying in your front yard are you home
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize