Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
