I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
