he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
