so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
