): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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