I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Sext me about skeletons
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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