I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
