He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
