Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
