yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
