I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
