yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
