She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
