We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Let's get the cat blown out
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i think i just lost a toe
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
