I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
