Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
