I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
