i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
