Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize