a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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