Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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