Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
