I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
