i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
