after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
