at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
