we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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