On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize