I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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