Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
