I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize