there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
