During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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