So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
