I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
