So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
