I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
