i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
