and i looked up. we had an audience...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
