OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I want her autograph on my taint
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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