Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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