My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
