i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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