I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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