There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
