small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
