Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
