ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
