my vag is so smooth its legendary
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
