Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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