just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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