I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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