my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just found puke in my bra..
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
