The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
