Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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