I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
