3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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