I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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