Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
