I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
