I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
