the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize