from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
