Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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