i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
